I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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