The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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