Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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