It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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