If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize