here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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