i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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