I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
