Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
