I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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