I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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