My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
