I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
