I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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