Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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