Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
