i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
