Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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