Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think a kid would responsible me up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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