just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
