I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
