he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
