..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
