Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
