Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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