so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize