Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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