Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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