before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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