He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
