Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
