party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
