obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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