On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
