My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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