smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
