no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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