Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
