Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
