Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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