You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
