My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize