I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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