There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
