some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
