It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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