I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
