he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
