Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
