If i come over, it means nothing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
