This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
