So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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