About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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