sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
