screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
