Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
