This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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