bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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