i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
