He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
