Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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