Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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