Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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