i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
