I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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