Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
