I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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