I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
