I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
