Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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