Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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