Your mouth is God's brothel.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
