I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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