i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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