Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize