I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
