Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize