I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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