So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
