i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
