Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
