last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
