Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
