I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
