I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize