These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
