there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
