how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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