I just made out with a guy for $7.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
