If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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