just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We left an ass print on the piano.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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