i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
