He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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