She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize