You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize