i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
