last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
