I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
