I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a search helicopter?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
