is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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