The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
