shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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