Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
