I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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