I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
